6 Practical Tips on How to Increase Self-Esteem

Sharon Salzberg:

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

Self-Esteem vs. Self-Confidence

Self-esteem is not self-confidence; self-confidence is about your trust in yourself and your ability to deal with challenges, solve problems, and engage successfully with the world. As you probably noted from this description, self-confidence is based more on external measures of success and value than the internal measures that contribute to self-esteem. We can have high self-confidence, particularly in a certain area or field, but still lack a healthy sense of overall value or self-esteem.

Examples of High Self-Esteem

There are certain characteristics that distinguish how high someone’s self-esteem is. Examples of these characteristics are being open to criticism, acknowledging mistakes, being comfortable with giving and receiving compliments, and displaying a harmony between what one says, does, looks, sounds, and moves. People with high self-esteem are unafraid to show their curiosity, discuss their experiences, ideas, and opportunities. They can also enjoy the humorous aspects of their lives and are comfortable with social or personal assertiveness.

Although low self-esteem has received more attention than high self-esteem, the positive psychology movement (which I just love) has brought high self-esteem into the spotlight. We now know more about what high self-esteem looks like and how it can be cultivated.

We know that people with high self-esteem:

Appreciate themselves and other people.
Enjoy growing as a person and finding fulfillment and meaning in their lives. Are able to dig deep within themselves and be creative.
Make their own decisions and conform to what others tell them to be and do only when they agree.
See the word in realistic terms, accepting other people the way they are while pushing them toward greater confidence and a more positive direction.
Can easily concentrate on solving problems in their lives.
Have loving and respectful relationships.

Know what their values are and live their lives accordingly.
Speak up and tell others their opinions, calmly and kindly, and share their wants and needs with others.
Endeavour to make a constructive difference in other people’s lives

Do you recognise yourself in any of the above?

If not:

6 Practical Tips on How to Increase Self-Esteem

1. Take a self-esteem inventory to give yourself a baseline.

It can be as simple as writing down 10 of your strengths and 10 of your weaknesses. This will help you to begin developing an honest and realistic conception of yourself. I bet you identify the weaknesses before your strengths!

2. Set realistic expectations.

It’s important to set small, reachable goals that are within your power. For example, setting an extremely high expectation or an expectation that someone else will change their behavior is virtually guaranteed to make you feel like a failure, through no fault of your own.

3. Stop being a perfectionist.

Acknowledge both your accomplishments and mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and trying to be will only lead to disappointment. Acknowledging your accomplishments and recognising your mistakes is the way to keep a positive outlook while learning and growing from your mistakes.

4. Explore yourself.

The importance of knowing yourself and being at peace with who you are cannot be overstated. This can take some trial and error, and you will constantly learn new things about yourself, but it is a journey that should be undertaken with purpose and zeal.

5. Be willing to adjust your self-image.

We all change as we age and grow, and we must keep up with our ever-changing selves if we want to set and achieve meaningful goals.

6. Stop comparing yourself to others.

Comparing ourselves to others is a trap that is extremely easy to fall into, especially today with social media and the ability to project a polished, perfected appearance. The only person you should compare yourself to is you.

Here are some of the ways that my therapy & coaching can boost your self-esteem:

When a client shares their inner thoughts and feelings with me, I respond with acceptance and compassion rather than judgment or correction, this can build the foundations of healthy self-esteem for my clients.
This continued acceptance and unconditional positive regard encourages my

clients to re-think some of their assumptions, and come to the conclusion that “Maybe there’s nothing wrong with me after all!”
I can explain that self-esteem is a belief rather than a fact and that beliefs are based on our experiences; this can help my clients understand that they could be exactly the same person as they are right now and have high self-esteem instead of low, if they had different experiences that cultivated a sense of high self-esteem instead of low self-esteem.

I offer my clients new experiences upon which to base this new belief about oneself, experiences in which lead to “basically acceptable” instead of “basically wrong.” My acceptance of my clients can act as a model for the clients of how they can accept themself.

Most importantly, I accept the client for who they are and affirm their thoughts and feelings as acceptable rather than criticising for them.

Want to explore how I can help you in your quest to understand you and how you can really get to work in developing your self-esteem and banish anxiety then in get in touch.

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